Get Your Pom-Pom's Out!

In books, men are wonderful "bullet-proof" heroes, created to lead and guide women.

Fictionally, the ultimate protagonists; MEN are typically characterized with strength, independence, endurance, ability, lack of emotions, courage, ability to persevere through all types of resistance (and still come out ahead), leaders, conquerors, logical and cunning. These fictional protagonists we read of are fantasized about for this mass of amazing qualities they possess. They always "get the girl" by the end of the story, rescuing her from some tragic situation that only he (because of his being an ideal male specimen) is able to triumph through. The girl, now safe, of course falls in love with this ideal specimen of manhood, and they live happily ever after. He is thankful to have found a woman whom will appreciate him. She is grateful to have a man that treats her right, he is not just a man, but a gentleman (of course only his STRENGTH allows him to be so).

Our marriages start out similarly. Our husbands marry us, finally feeling they have a woman they can trust. We marry them, finally feeling we have a real man we can depend on . . . and we do (depend on them).

Unfortunately, over time we often come to depend on them too much while simultaneously sabotaging their trust of us. Hmm, a co-dependent relationship without trust. That sounds like a disaster. It is; and many of us fall into this situation without even realizing it. . . you probably think too, that would never be you! So, it not being you, : ) , you are safe to keep reading! . . .

When we dated our husbands, we counted on them to . . . be timely, pay the bill, maybe pay us a compliment on how nice we looked (which we later daydreamed about and re-ran through our minds 100 times over, proving what must be their unfailing love for us), say a few things to make us laugh, etc. That was enough to make us happy. They even did it enough, we fell in love with them. Somehow, they persevered sufficiently, we even married them! BUT, NOW . . .

Now that is not enough. Now we expect all we had before . . . and exponentially more! We expect them to verbally thank us for even all the tiny things we do. We expect them to encourage us when we are disheartened, cheer us up when we are down, make us feel pretty when we feel ugly, ignore our moods when we are hormonal, overlook our shortfalls, give us a long hug when we "need to talk" (why don't we just ask for a hug when we need one?), read our minds, and basically, say and do all the "right" things at all the right times.

Now we expect them to notice tiny things: the slightly different shade of make-up we are wearing, how our shoes perfectly match our dress, the upper shelf we (finally) dusted, the little black spot we got around to scrubbing off the stove, and the EMPTY trash can that WE took out for them. Now, if he does not comment appropriately and in a timely fashion (within 5 minutes of his walking into the house) concerning these relative trivialities, we treat him as though he just went out to the pub and came home drunk with lipstick all over his neck on our 25th Wedding Anniversary.

Oh, and forbid our husbands pay us a compliment anymore. . . then we read into their words: intonations, second meanings, or just figure they are lying to be nice and try to stay out of trouble. . . .(and you were wondering earlier in this what you could have ever done to lose your husband's trust?!). Can our husbands even pay us an honest compliment anymore . . . safely?

We did not treat them this way when we dated. We would certainly not treat our best friend this way. We would never dream of treating the Pastor of our church this way. So let's stop treating our husbands like this.

THE ALTERNATIVE???

OK, so they are MEN we are married to, let's use a SPORTS ANALOGY . . .

If your "team" were losing a major game . . . what would you do? ?

A. yell "BOOO" every time they make a mistake, scream what they should have done, scream that you could have done it better yourself, and walk out of the game ( while muttering frustrations at them) when it looks probable they will lose.

B. sit silently the entire time and cheer only when they win an entire game.

C. do whatever everyone else near you is doing, but keep a silent tally of all your team's mistakes, to review with them and correct them immediately after the game (win or lose).

D. pray for them when they make mistakes and grab your POM POMs to cheer wildly for every little good bit of progress they make. Feel pride, knowing win or lose, your team works hard and always does the best they can.

So, here's the sport's analogy:

- YOUR MARRIAGE is the game!
- Your HUSBAND is your "TEAM".

If you want your team (husband) to be successful in the game (your marriage) choose "D"!

What does this look like?

Lots of "Stopping" :

1. Stop "booing" them every time they mess up!
2. Stop telling them how they should do things (your way)!
3. Stop muttering under your breath (or in your head) at them.
4. Stop keeping tally of all their mistakes.
5. Stop walking out on them when the game gets rough.

AND Lots of "Starting":

1. Start focusing on the positive things he does.
2. Start forgiving (and forgetting) about the things you think he fell short on.
3. Start believing what they tell you (ESPECIALLY THE COMPLIMENTS!).
4. Start appreciating all that he does for you (and do something nice for him).
5. Start praying for him *.

SOOO . . . . . GET YOUR POM-POM's OUT!

Cheer your husband on!
For the game's still going on!
Celebrate his successes.
Quietly help clean up the messes.
Be your husband's biggest fan!
Let him be your MAN.
Be his personal cheerleader!
and let him be the leader.
He can not be your "gentleman",
if you won't be his "woman"!

Make him yearn to come home again!
make yourself safe, his best friend.

* Prayer is #5 on the list, because we need right-hearts before we pray for our husbands. Our prayer should be for their successes as Godly men and leaders of our families, NOT for them to do what we want or think they should do!

BIBLE TOPICS & REFERENCES:

YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS YOUR HELP: Genesis 2:18

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

THINK POSITIVE: Philippians 4:8
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

FORGIVE and FORGIVE MORE: Matthew 18:21-22

²¹Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

²²Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

ENCOURAGE : Deuteronomy 1:38

1. But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in thither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit it.
   
   
2. Deuteronomy 3:28
   But charge Joshua, and encourage him, and strengthen him: for he shall go over before this people, and he shall cause them to inherit the land which thou shalt see.

DO ALL FOR GOD: Colossians 3:22-24 (KJV)

²²Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;

²³And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

²⁴Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.