SHOULD YOU OBEY YOUR HUSBAND?
What seems like one of the most (potentially) complicated questions within a marriage is really probably one of the most simple:
You MUST always obey your husband: as long as his wishes or commands do not cause you to disobey God. Explanation: If you obey your husband over God, you are putting your husband in God's rightful place of honor and breaking the very first of the "Ten Commandments": "Thou shalt have no other God's before me".
Yes, we must obey our husbands, in ALL, as long as we are simultaneously obeying God.
Now, the not so easy or simple part?
Be sure you give your husband ALL of the latitude that God intended for him to have.
What does that mean? . . . Precisely this: If God has not forbidden it from being done (in specific) or commanded it to be done (in specific), it is up to us how it looks.
Examples?
1. The basic (and very specific) commandments, including though shalt not have any God before Him, bear false witness, commit adultery, steal... pretty simple. If your husband were to ask you to do any of these things, you are to RESPECTFULLY decline, as you must obey God before any man.
2. The not-so-specific commandments: my favorite: the "golden rule" (to treat others how we would like to be treated) or a not-so-popular rule of submission:
1 Peter 5:5
Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder.
So, if YOU decide you will do some task to help someone or that you must do some work at your church because an elder asked you to, you need to check with your husband first. Okay, so if you have a bag of apples and a homeless man is hungry, you are probably okay giving him an apple, but if an old woman at church needs her lawn mowed and you volunteer your teenage son (imposing on your families finances and schedule), you should have checked with your husband first.
Yes, obedience really starts with YOU seeking his opinion (and accepting his opinion) on matters that impact you, him, and/or your family. He is the head of the household and must be treated as such. Diving headfirst into plans, knowing he will resist it less if another party is already expecting you, or so you can claim, "it is too late to change it now" is wrong. (and it is almost NEVER too late to change a commitment (though, it may be uncomfortable, especially for you, to admit to the other party involved that you did it without respectfully seeking your husband's agreement).
Why does obedience start with you seeking your husband's advice and opinion? Because when you do so, 9 times out of 10, he will not have to "order you around" because you have already spoken, as two loving, considerate, mature adults, on the topic, BEFORE a clash of ideals transforms you both into not-so-loving, selfish, immature adults.
***Remember, God does not command us to subject ourselves to our husbands only when they are loving and mature. His commandment is not "provisional". We are to obey if they are not-so-loving and immature as well.***
There are many commandments in the Bible that have latitude, or "room for translation" of how they should look in your life. As married women, it is our duty to be sure the way we put those commandments in to practice is FULLY acceptable by our husbands BEFORE we put it into practice.
Sooo, he wants the toilet paper hanging over the top? You want it hanging out the bottom? Guess what? You need to do it his way. You want zero dirty laundry in the bedroom, he prefers a laundry basket in the corner? You need to do it his way. He does not want to eat turkey. Do not buy turkey. You both love the Superbowl, but he always wants y'all to go see it with HIS friends? Go watch with his friends.... and do it all with a good attitude!
Let's face it, no matter how well matched we are with our husbands, we will have disagreements, no matter how hard we try not to. However, we do not have to have BATTLES.
Let us choose our battles very carefully, and be sure they are for the LORD.
That is it. We must obey our husbands, as long as we are still simultaneously obeying God. Any "latitude" or "room for interpretation" in which we disagree with our husband's point of view, we must do it their way. Our God calls us to do exactly that.
***Don't forget, when you disagree, be sure to use good timing (1. with nobody else around 2. with out interrupting him) to point out the reasons for your disagreement. You are his help meet, God put you there to help him. But, make sure not to re-state the same thing over and over. Give him credit. Yes, he heard you the first time, just because he did not react the way you wanted him to, does not permit you to nag him about it. Once, is stating your opinion. Twice, (the second time being days, weeks or months later) can be a well-timed reminder (never an "I-told-you-so").
Three times or more is NAGGING...and NAGGING is hindering, not helping.
Your husband is the God-appointed head of your home, God has given him the task of defining latitude and interpretation of God's laws in your life. Let him (your husband) lead your family, and you will be proving your respect of Him (God) to lead His people.
***STILL unsure about a certain situation? Please, feel free to send me a message and I will be glad to pray for you and do my best to find in God's Word, His Guidance for your situation.***
Genesis 2:18
King James Version (KJV)
18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Ephesians 5:22-24
King James Version (KJV)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
1 Peter 3
1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Exodus 20:3-17King James Version (KJV)
3Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
4Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
5Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
7Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
8Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:
10But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:
11For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.
12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
13Thou shalt not kill.
14Thou shalt not commit adultery.
15Thou shalt not steal.
16Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
17Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
14Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
15That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;
