My scepticism seemed, for the most part, unfounded for many years...until recently (though I do study Bible guidebooks and studybooks with the fish-eater philosophy my Pastor teaches, "treat it like fish: eat the meat and spit out the bones". He does not mean to ignore everything in the Bible that makes me uncomfortable or that I do not agree with. He means we should gobble it all up, compare what is being taught to what we read in the actual Bible, and spit out anything that does not fully agree with God's Word in His Bible.
So, one day this past summer, I picked up a book at a yard sale of which the title, "Me? Obey Him?" It sounded right up my alley. Happily diving into another book on the Christian husband-wife relationship I enjoyed myself...for a while. I was disconcerted when the auther asserted that God will never make a Christian woman choose between Him (God) and her husband. She asserted that God gave us, Christian wives, our husbands with authority over us, so we should ALWAYS obey our husbands. PERIOD.
She claimed that even if the husband were not a Christian, God would never put the wife in the position to have to obey God OR her husband. The author further claims that since God gives all authority and gives us our husbands to be heads over us that we should obey our husbands AS THOUGH THEY WERE GODS, even to the point of disobeying God Himself, claiming our husbands would be held responsible for our transgressions. She claimed we would not be held accountable by God for our behaving sinfully as long as we were obeying our husbands. WOW.
I hope your hackles are up like mine were. No wonder this woman's husband wrote her a raving review to publish in the beginning of her book. She literally obeys him as though he is a God. There are a good many decent Christian men out there whom would love better obedience from their wives (I hear about them regularly from my husband), but I also believe strongly that few of them would want obedience from their wife if she also truly believed she was disobeying God to obey her husband. Unfortunately for this book author, I am no long a reader of hers because I read my Bible too much. God very clearly states in his 10 commandments in Exodus 20:3 "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Additionally, we read in Acts 5:29, "Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men."
After her third assertion that I obey my husband just as though he were a God, regardless of the sinfulness of the act he may be asking me to commit, I could read no longer. I was UPSET. She even insinuated strongly that if you obeyed your husband, agreeing to commit a sinful act and then actually committed the act (because God did not provide you a last minute way out of it), that you are not actually a good Christian because God would never make it necessary for a properly behaving CHRISTIAN wife to disobey her husband in order to obey God.)
Obviously, there are many women who know this is ridiculous. We know by meeting good and real Christian women who have had to disobey a husband to obey God and we know (most importantly) because God's Word addresses the issue.
In 1 Corinthinans 7: 11 God addresses the issue of necessity of a wife leaving a husband, admonishing that if a wife leaves her husband (which God does not advise as ideal), then the wife should remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. God does not support a wife ditching her husband to run off with another man. He does, apparently, recognize the odd occasional need for a wife to put distance between herself and her husband (while remaining chaste) until they can be reconciled. The only justifiable reasons I can think of for a wife leaving her husband would be for physical or mental self-preservation, as the situation would be if the husband is asking his wife to sin against God. Sins against God may include breaking the 10 basic commandments or committing an abhoration to God. Examples might include the husband wanting his wife to "swing" with another couple (where two couples essentially trade spouses for a night of unholy lust), wanting his wife to lie to an authority figure, have an abortion or steal.
Now, open communication is essential here (as I have mentioned in older Blogs). You don't just up and leave your husband when you believe he has asked you to sin against God. First you go to God. Check His Word " seek ye first the kingdom of God" (Matt 6:33) and be sure the Bible is unmistakedly clear that what he asks is a sin. Then choose a good time and place to discuss your belief with your husband (announcing the next time you see him, "I have looked in my Bible. You are wrong. I will not obey you." is an inflammatory attack, not a healthy opening for a discussion!) If after a mature properly timed discussion, he is still insisting, you follow God's guidelines for resolving a dispute. (1st you speak to the offender. 2nd you speak to the offender with another person as a witness (this could be a strong Christian mutual friend or family member). 3rd, you go to your church (Pastor) for guidance.) -Matthew 18: 15-17 (see endnotes)- However, it is amazing how many disputes can actually be resolved by just putting the proper time and effort into step 1.
If you are unsure of how to prepare properly for step 1, just imagine you want an unusually pricey Christmas/Birthday present...what do you do? You make yourself as agreeable as possible for a week or so, you make sure to dress nicely, attractively, for him, you cook some of his favorite meals, and then when you finally have some nice happy peaceful time alone together one eveing (if you have kids, this might take a week just to get a few moments of peaceful quiet to yourselves) and you gently inform him of what you have been really hoping to receive. Do the same to settle a major dispute. It is just plain logic: When you start with as amicable an atmosphere as possible, (and remain the entire conversation committed to speaking in love, not yelling in frustration), it is amazing how seldom the atmosphere gets anything worse than uncomfortable on even the most tense topic. If you start out tense and uncomfortable...it can and will only go downhill fast from there.
Yes, we need to honor and obey our husbands, but we are NOT called to worship them as though they are Gods. Our God is a jealous God and wants us to worship only Him (Acts 5:29 & Exodus 34:14). We need to obey our husbands, but apply Matthew 22:21 to this. We "render ...unto Caesar (our husbands) the things which are Caesar's (our husbands); and unto God the things that are God's.
Simply put, if God does not forbid it, we are to trust and obey our husband, as he is our God-given leadership, held responsible by God to decide what is right for us. Our husbands do not have the authority to override God. Similar is the original U.S. Constitution that gives certain essential and critical authorities to the Federal government and reserves all other rights for the individual states. Essential and critical authority over our lives is written and enforced by God, but all the rest is our husband's authority and responsibility. You chose him (most likely, thought there are still arranged marriages), so love him, pray for him, and trust him with the responsibilities he has been given by God while you do your best to fulfill yours.
Endnotes:
Exodus 20:3Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Acts 5:29
Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.
(emphasis mine).
Exodus 34:14
For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
Matthew 22:21
They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Colossians 3:21-23
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
22 Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God;
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;
Matthew 18:15-17
15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
1 Corinthians 7
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
